“Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play” – Jermaine Dupri, “Welcome to Atlanta”
TBS was once a regional station that operated out of Atlanta. In the 1980’s the stations owner, Ted Turner, decided to broadcast it both locally, and nationally, leading to it being referred to as a “Superstation”. Back in the mid-90’s, when TBS was called “The Superstation”, they used to show TREMORS every Saturday afternoon. I can’t find an old TBS schedule online from that time online, but I don’t need to. I know they aired TREMORS every week, and I can still hear the TBS voice over guy in my head saying, “Watch Kevin Bacon in TREMORS up next on the Superstation”. That’s how I remember it in my head, so that’s how it happened. I cannot be convinced otherwise. In fact, here is the entire TBS Saturday line-up as I remember it:
6:05-7:05am – Little House on the Prairie
7:05-8:05am – Saved by the Bell
8:05am – 8:35am – Tom and Jerry
8:35am – 9:05am – Looney Tunes
9:05am to 9:35am – Scooby Doo, Where are you?
9:35am to 10:05am – The Flintstones
10:05am to 10:35am – Gilligan’s Island
10:35am to 11:05am – The Beverly Hillbillies
11:05am to 1:05pm – Tremors
1:05pm to 4:35pm – Braves Baseball
4:35pm to 5:05pm – The Brady Bunch
5:05pm to 6:05pm – The Andy Griffith Show
6:05pm to 8:05pm – WCW Saturday Night
8:05pm to 10:05pm – Movies for Guys Who Like Movies
10:05pm to 12:05am – Dinner and a Movie
(You’ll notice all of these shows start at :05 or :35. Here’s the explanation for that: https://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1626/why-do-wtbs-shows-start-at-05-and/ )
There are many different variations of the TBS schedule throughout the years– and of course I am blending some of them in my head– but, to me, that’s the prime TBS schedule. It’s like when people think of the X-men, they think of the members that comprised the team that they read/watched growing up. That TBS schedule is my Cyclops, Storm, Jean Grey, Beast, Gambit, Jubilee, Rogue, Wolverine X-men team.
Also, I need everyone to know before I move forward here that I do not have any sort of emotional connection to a cable television stations broadcast schedule. Looking at this does not “take me back to a simpler time”, or anything. I mean, I guess it kind of does, because I was a kid when this stuff was on TV, so things were probably simpler for me then. The mid-90’s TBS schedule takes me back to a time when the crushing weight of my own mortality wasn’t constantly pushing down on me, so that’s nice. Oh, and one more thing: I went outside quite a bit as a kid. I didn’t just sit around watching TBS all day. But, I’m from Northern Michigan, and it gets cold and shitty there, and my parents had cable, so a lot of this is ingrained in my memory, for better or worse.
TBS is not the “Superstation” anymore. They are essentially another Comedy Central, with shows like Conan, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, The Last OG, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine re-runs, and that’s cool. I like those shows, and they seem to have found in a niche in today’s insane cable landscape, so good for them. But as I was watching TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL, I couldn’t help but wonder what a TBS Superstation schedule would look like in 2018. So, I made one. Just for Saturdays though, not the whole schedule. I waste enough time as it is.
Here we go:
6:05am – 7:05am: Little House on the Prairie
What would air in 2018: Dawson’s Creek
Apparently, when THE CREEK was pitched to networks, it was pitched as “SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL, meets PUMP UP THE VOLUME, meets My So-Called Life, meets Little House on the Prairie”, and that makes sense considering both Little House and Dawson’s Creek featured settings (The Prairie and The Creek) that played a major role in the show, and focused on a tight-knit group of friends/family. Also, I think most people remember Little House as some musty, old, fuddy-duddy tv show, but shit got wild on the prairie, with episodes that featured mime-mask wearing rapists, a “wild boy” who was raised in a cage, and one where the town got infested with anthrax (The infection. Not the band). The pre-marital sex having kids from Dawson’s can’t hold a candle to that.
7:05am-8:05am: Saved by The Bell
2018: Saved by the Bell
I tortured myself with this one, and I feel bad for going against the spirit of this experiment so early, but the truth is that there is no equivalent to Saved by the Bell. No show has ever been able to blend the level of cheesiness, stereotypical characters, and general irresponsibility that Saved by the Bell featured. Saved by the Bell is obviously the work of sociopaths, and we were lucky to have it.
8:05am – 8:35am: Tom and Jerry
8:35am – 9:05am: Looney Tunes
2018: Animaniacs and Tiny Toons
I think the TBS programming strategy for Saturday mornings in the mid-90’s was to draw viewers in their 30’s and 40’s with cartoons from their childhood. Tom and Jerry, and Looney Tunes, will always be connected in my mind, as they were both very slapstick-y, and both played constantly on Cartoon Network, and TBS, early in the morning. Well, early in the morning for young me. Now I get up at like 5:30am because I have to pee ALL the time.
Animaniacs and Tiny Toons both share a connection, as Animaniacs spun out of Toons, and they are similar in spirit to both Tom and Jerry and Looney Tunes. Both shows would also probably draw nostalgia-seeking viewers as well. Tiny Toons is better than Animaniacs. I just want to say that. I’ll probably never get the chance to write about these two shows on this blog again, so I want that statement in writing right now.
9:05am-9:35am: Scooby Doo, where are you?
9:35am – 10:05am: The Flintstones
2018: Powerpuff Girls/Johnny Bravo
Remember those Scooby-Doo, and Flintstones episodes that had laugh tracks? That was so weird. I did not like those episodes. TBS tended to group these Hanna Barbara produced cartoons together into programming blocks. The modern-ish equivalent to the Hanna Barbara cartoons that popped into my head, was that first batch of original programming that was produced around the launch of The Cartoon Network: Dexters Laboratory, Johnny Bravo, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Powerpuff Girls etc.
I went with Powerpuff Girls, because it’s a little more action oriented like Scooby; and Johnny Bravo, because it was a sitcom-style cartoon like The Flintstones, and because it might spark that live-action movie with The Rock that has been rumored for years.
10:05am-10:35am: Gilligan’s Island
10:35am-11:05am: The Beverly Hillbillies
2018: Dinosaurs and Third Rock from the Sun
Gilligan’s Island and The Beverly Hillbillies were a couple of high-concept sitcoms that were used in this time slot by TBS to phase out the cartoons, but were still suitable for younger viewers to watch. I went with Dinosaurs, and Third Rock from the Sun; A couple of high concept 90’s sitcoms that are still probably suitable for younger viewers (maybe not that final episode of Dinosaurs though).
11:05am to 1:05pm: TREMORS
2018: TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL
This is the time slot where TBS always would broadcast the first TREMORS movie. I believe TBS would broadcast it around noon, and then the USA network would broadcast it around 2 or 3pm. Every week. No exceptions. Now, in 2018, I would bet they would probably still broadcast the first TREMORS in this spot as well, but I need to tie-in TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL into this somehow, so I’ll place it here. Honestly, you can put any TREMORS movie that you want here.
1:05pm-4:35pm: Atlanta Braves Baseball
2018: Atlanta Braves Baseball
1:05pm was always Atlanta Braves baseball, and it always should be Atlanta Braves baseball. There are three things that TBS stopped broadcasting once they grew out of being a regional Atlanta-flavored network, and became a “national” network. TREMORS, Atlanta Braves baseball, and a couple more programs that I will dive into later. Those are the TBS mid-90’s touchstones for me.
4:35pm-5:05pm: The Brady Bunch
2018: Step by Step
Baseball games can go on forever, so every once-in-a-while there were those weird instances where TBS would show 15 minutes of a TV show to round out the hour, because the game went over its allotted time. I remember the show they would always broadcast in this post-Braves spot being The Brady Bunch. I’ll just throw Step by Step in there as the replacement, because It’s pretty much the same show, but with more karate bar fights, and Duffy.
5:05 pm-6:05pm: The Andy Griffith Show
2018: The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Andy Griffith Show is another thing that was ALWAYS on TBS. It’s overall feeling of downhome folksiness fit in well with type of audience they were looking to attract, particularly when they were a regional station. Baseball, Pro Wrestling, and Mayberry. Nothing more “American” than that IMO. It’s a different time than the time depicted on The Andy Griffith Show— in fact the time depicted on the show may have never existed outside of people’s fantasies. It’s hard to find a recent show like Andy Griffith, but I’m going to go with The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
Like Mayberry, Bel-Air was an important character on the show, providing its own landmarks and cast of characters, whether they be family or ancillary. It also featured a family at its center that was led by a patriarch with an old school set of values. There really should have been a Carlton-centric spin-off, like there was a Barney Fife one.
6:05pm-8:05pm: WCW Wrestling
2018: Wrestling that’s not WWE
This is the TBS program that I miss the most. Every Saturday night (sometimes pre-empted) World Championship Wrestling would air on TBS. It just felt right. The Turner companies had a long history with Saturday night wrestling dating all the way back to the 70’s with Georgia Championship Wrestling, and Jim Crockett Promotions. When I was a kid it was WCW.
It’s tough to pick an equivalent to WCW now. WWE has had a stranglehold on Pro Wrestling in America for a long time, and WCW was the 2nd biggest–sometimes biggest–wrestling promotion in the country for quite a while. WCW went out of business a long time ago, but they should just put some wrestling here. Anything that isn’t WWE. There are like a million different smaller wrestling promotions now; just choose one and give it two hours on a Saturday night. You can still surround it with Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Seinfeld re-runs. But, do it for me, TBS. Thank you.
8:05pm-10:05pm: Movies for Guys Who Like Movies
2018: Movies for Guys Who Like Movies, but with a more progressive name
Movies for Guys Who Like Movies is a pretty self-explanatory title, but to explain it, these movies would usually be 80’s action star vehicles, but never really the top tier ones. You wouldn’t get FIRST BLOOD, but you would get COBRA. No TERMINATOR, but you’d get RUNNING MAN, for sure. Oh, and ROADHOUSE and NEXT OF KIN were in heavy rotation. You know, movies that GUYS like.
Equivalents now would be stuff like the CRANK movies, FASTER, A MAN APART. Anything starring Statham, The Rock, or Vin. Maybe a Neeson movie that’s not the first TAKEN. I’d keep the action-centric programming strategy as it ties in well to pro wrestling, but yeah, I’d change the name. It’s 2018, and honestly, it’s a bit reductive. Anyone can like these movies. Movies for PEOPLE who like movies. It’s time to evolve, mid-90’s TBS broadcast schedule.
10:05pm-12:05pm Dinner and a Movie
2018: Dinner and a Movie
I loved Dinner a Movie. Basically, the concept of Dinner and a Movie revolved around two comedians, Paul Gilmartin and Annabeth Gurwitch– who were the A-Team IMO—hosting a movie, with segments of them cooking food sprinkled in. They would also always make silly puns about the movies and tie it into the food they were making, as well. For example, if they were showing THE WEDDING SINGER they would make “Pecan Sandlers”, or “Wild Barrymore Pie”, or something. Just bring Dinner and a Movie back with newer movies, and keep the puns.
50 FIRST DATES: Unforgettable date bread
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL: Kristin Bell Pepper Ratatouille
LEGALLY BLONDE: Illegally Blonde Brownies
WHAT WOMEN WANT: Mel’s Matzah Ball Soup
That’s it for my schedule. The rest can be paid programming.
Why did I do this? I have no real answer for you.. When I look at it, I don’t have many fond memories of watching these shows or anything, but there is a part of me that feels a twinge of nostalgia when I look at a tv schedule with the words “Tremors” and “Wrestling” on it.
I think nostalgia gets kind of a bad rap sometimes. I think a little nostalgia is fine, as long as it doesn’t overrun everything you do. If someone wants to watch STAR WARS for the millionth time because it reminds them of being a kid, whatever, go for it. I might suggest watching like a VALERIAN or something new, but there are worse things to do to satisfy that feeling of wanting to feel like a kid again. There are people nostalgic for Nazi’s nowadays. That’s worse than watching STAR WARS.
Much of the issues that I’ve had– and a lot of people have had with recent nostalgia-based movies– is that many of these franchises seem to be reluctant to move forward, and continue to churn out prequels and side-stories stuck in the past. I think the TREMORS series has actually done a nice job not doing that. TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL continues the new normal of Burt and his son (Jamie Kennedy. Not sure about this still.) globetrotting and battling the Graboids. The movie itself is fine. It’s the sixth TREMORS movie, I don’t know what to really say.
There’s a running gag in the movie where people keep commenting on Burt’s “new” Chicago Cubs hat (Michael Gross is a Cubs fan), which he is wearing in place of his trademark Atlanta Hawks cap. Burt shoots back by saying, “It’s not a new hat. It’s just a different hat”. I like to think that gag is an acknowledgment that these movies being dropped in Netflix is pretty much the equivalent to non-stop basic cable showings. In a world that’s constantly changing, the TREMORS series is still here, even if it has changed a little bit too. And, it’s mostly just nice to know that the Graboids, and Burt, are still around somewhere. Even if it’s not on TBS.